A crisis of conscience?

Technically speaking, I've done nothing wrong.

That's not to say that I haven't, of course. If I were to live my life according to technicalities, I'd live a very pedantic life indeed and we all know that I am anything but pedantic. I'm not really one to preach about morals and such matters, as it's all a matter of viewpoint outside of the few obvious concepts of what right or wrong is. I tend to think that, in all honesty, I'm not that much of a prick. I get angry, shout at a lot of things and have a relatively short temper in such cases, but generally I'm an alright kind of guy. I offend due to my sense of humour but nothing I joke about has any reflection on my feelings of the matter.

I'm generally quite a solitary person in regards to any problems I might have. I'm just not that bothered about talking about problems. Problems get solved. If I need help, then I'll ask, but otherwise these things don't need to be discussed. Of course, I'm a complete hypocrite in the sense that I will force my friends at gunpoint to discuss their problems. That's because they show when something is up and therefore open it up to discussion. I'm reclusive and so they know not that there is an issue.

So the fact I'm even revealing the fact I have this crisis is quite an odd fact, however sometimes one just needs to vent. The fact that I'm aware of two people who read this blog doesn't really hurt the matter either. Obviously, I'm not going to reveal anything. Not unless it gets worse, in which case you'll find me in the nearest off license purchasing the cheapest vodka known to man and will shortly be in attendance at the nearest tree blasting power ballads from my headphones. You're welcome to join me.

This blog post isn't really the greatest thing I've ever written, but from the subject matter, I assume you could've guessed that I'm not really in the right frame of mind.

And if you couldn't figure that out, there's no point in me even insulting you, because you clearly can't fucking read.

Blog forthcoming

I feel bad. I didn't blog yesterday. Not properly, anyway. Digging something out of the archives doesn't count.

The fact this apology is going unread does not bother me.

One from the archives

I just found this in my drafts. I quite like the shouting. I remember the day I read the article I was discussing. I was fuming.

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Dear Lady Gaga...

Hi there. You might not know me. That's understandable, because I'm just another random internet blogger. At least this leaves us on an even keel. Because I'd only ever heard your name before, I have yet to hear any of your supposedly sub-par, generic trash that is currently invading our charts.

However, a friend of mine, who shall not be named (it's cool Sof, they'll never know it's you), showed me a link to a glorious article that described you as more annoying than Katy Perry. Now, we all know that that could not possibly be true, what with the fact that Katy Perry was created from the very seed of Satan himself. You're not that bad, are you? I only ask, because I don't think I'm ever going to give you a chance.

Seriously, what the fucking hell sort of idiot are you? (Were you wondering when I'd first swear? I bet you were). I mean, come on, it must have been some sort of joke. Feminists are man hating, are they? Are you SURE? I only ask because I have several feminist friends. Now, it could be possible that they've merely mistaken me for a female for all these years. But I find that quite unlikely. Although I would also consider myself a bit of a feminist, what with the fact that, quite frankly, we are all fucking equal. Right?

Honestly. Shut the fuck up. Think for two seconds before you say such ignorant, idiotic things. Look, it's like this. People look up to you. Unfortunately, these people are generally quite young and don't have an opinion themselves. So, they form one from everything they read and hear. Now, with a stupid fucking point such as yours uttered, they might take this as truth and therefore become more of a fucking idiot.

I don't mind if you want to cook "your man" dinner and then fuck him. Fair play to you, that's your call. But, lets face it, you're just going to

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That is where it ends, folks. I shall not continue it as I feel I couldn't get the sufficient amount of rage to accurately portray how I was feeling.

Although, I hate to say it, I do need to take back the part about her music. It's really quite good. A very good album indeed, in fact. Apart from Poker Face which can still die in a fire.

Still, the original point I was making is that she can still fuck off. Also, for the record, who gives a flying fuckery if she's supposedly a male or female or a bit of both? Seriously? Do you not have anything fucking better to do with your time?

But is it art?

One of the things you may or may not notice in this blog - depending on if you're blinded by the flagrant use of f-bombs - is that nothing I really write about is of any intellectual significance. I like to hide behind the use of bigger words than the average and wear them like a tiny paper helmet of indignance - See? - but nothing I talk about is really that clever.

Today's post will be no different. I just felt the need to point that out.

I was in London today. With my dear friend Laura. As we were in London, we felt we should take in some of the more cultural things the city has to offer by doing... Well... Nothing. We just bummed around and discussed things ranging from the important and the insignificant, such as Laura accidentally catching on fire. I had nothing to do with that.

This led me to start thinking about art, as it usually does, because she never fucking shuts up about the stuff. Warning, if you're offended by swearing, don't read that last sentence. I've never really understood art, in the tangible sense. I mean, music is art, books are art and by that insinuation, this blog is art. Technically, this is comparable to the Mona Lisa. Favourably, in some eyes. But I'm getting sidetracked. Stuff like paintings, sculpture and even photography, I've never really understood. I've been shown pieces of art that all I can honestly see in them is "That looks a bit like a bloke."

Being as I am, I do strive to understand what I'm seeing. But I really struggle to find any deep meaning in it. I can't interpret it the way others do and I can't honestly see beyond the lines on the page or whatever it may be. I love books, reading is one of my real pleasures and the words and images that come from them just jump off the page. Music, as we all know from previous blogs, is basically the be all and end all of my existence.

But art? Nah mate, it's just lines and colour to me. I mean, I can look at a drawing and appreciate it for the technique. But show me a picture and ask me to tell you what I see and what I think it means and I will tell you "I see a bowl of fruit. This means that the artist was painting a bowl of fruit."

The reason I bring this up is because it makes me feel somewhat of an idiot. I have a lot of fairly arty friends and they are always talking about this new exhibition or this new artist. I just sit there, drink another pint and bitterly complain about the fact I have no idea, while abusing the jukebox for not having anywhere near enough showtunes on. Partly I feel quite isolated but the main problem is that I really do want to understand. I also want Christina Hendricks, but I'll settle for the understanding. But Christina Hendricks will do if understanding is not currently available.

Oh, in case this felt like a little too much like civilised conversation, Zane Lowe is such a fucking prick. No reason I mention that now, his was just the first name that jumped out at me when I loaded up the BBC site. That and the fact he's a fucking prick.

I love blogging daily. I also love the fact that Sof does it too, I like having something to read when I get in.

Oh, one more thing - Fuck off, would you kindly?

This is not a blog post.

Ignore what your eyes are telling you. They are deceptive and cannot be trusted.

Fuck you, you fucking fucks

So, I had a few different subjects that I was writing here. The first one I decided to scrap. The second, my browser crashed. It obviously, of course, only saved the first one, so fuck that. I was going to do a nice reasoned debate about religion and the homophobia that seems to remain therein to this day - Well, I say a debate, but I was essentially shouting at anyone that fucking dares to discriminate against anyone because of their sexuality and telling them that they can fuck off and die in a fire. That also goes for the few gay people that have done so to me in the past, you're not only pricks but fucking hypocrites too.

Anyway, the gist of the article was about this documentary that was on last night. It was about one of the most hated families in America. A bunch of religious fucksticks who take parts of the bible and rather than take it for what it actually says, they twist it to fulfil their own hateful ways.

I have no problem with religion, in general. Whatever you want, or need, to make it through your life is fine by me. What I have a problem with is hatred and intolerance. That might seem like a strange thing to hear from me, as I'm one of the most hate filled individuals I can think of. But not towards groups of faiths or beliefs or race or sexuality or gender. I hate each and every one of you on an individual basis.

Anyway, these people were essentially what I would like to call something that I'm pretty sure isn't even in the dictionary yet, so I'll have to invent it and edit it in once I get it entered into our lexicon. They made me not hate Louis Theroux. I really hate Louis Theroux. I couldn't tell you why, but he just frustrates me more than that time I had to sit in the office working while Katy Perry was played SIX FUCKING TIMES through the course of the day. Yes, I still hate her, just for the record.

They were protesting a soldiers funeral. Now, don't get me wrong, not for one second do I support what he was doing. But show some fucking respect. Someone lost their fucking life. You do not turn up there to protest that he was defending a nation of "fags"

No, you do fucking not. I don't care what you fucking believe in, if there is a God he will fucking make you pay for such a fucking disrespectful showing.

How the fuck can you possibly hate someone just because they belong to a certain "group"? Why the fuck would you even think such a thing? The bible might say such things, but it also says that you shouldn't wear gold or eat pork. I fucking dare you to tell me that you don't do anything like that

Besides, it's a fucking work of fiction.

Just, fuck you, OK? I can't even get a coherent point across because of how fucking angry I am at these fucking people. You make me sick.

Fuck.

Always one to make a point

So, I've become one of these ridiculous people that desire to update their blogs on a daily basis. I have no idea why. The problem with this, though, is the distinct lack of rage building up within me. Don't get me wrong, I'm still a deeply angry person who has anger management problems, but the sheer amount of aggression I need to write some of my more spectacular rants hasn't quite been reached as of yet, so instead you get me in a more contemplative mood.

The next big problem is that I never want to write a blog post that doesn't have a point. I don't mind going off on tangents and covering several points, but there tends to always be an underlying point, whether it was anger at the distinct lack of originality in the current music scene or just the way popular culture has declined into a constant barrage of images of people who, to me, look perfectly normal but are apparently both fat and unhip. Hip is probably not a term that gets used that often anymore, so it just goes to show how far out of date I am with this fashionable lingo nonsense, but then I'm hardly one to give a toss now, am I?

Luckily for you, today there was a few things that have actually piqued my interest and I actually feel like I want to discuss and share some possibly slightly different viewpoints with you. Now, bear in mind that I may or may not believe in this views. I'm always one to play the Devil's Advocate because people do need to see things from a different angle before they can accept the opinion that they have as right. There are a few exceptions, of course, in terms of hate and discrimination, but in the vast majority of cases taking an alternative viewpoint to something may just go to reinforce your beliefs.

We've all seen adverts for charities on TV recently, I would assume? Or just in the general media - I know for a fact that I've seen several today on facebook and would imagine that you have too. It's just a subject that really intrigues me. I currently am unable to give money to all the causes I desire, due to the lack of employment. I do not donate like I used to, when I was working I'd give as much as I could, whilst still living the life I enjoy, with all the drinking and gaming that entails (which is a discussion for later.)

However, there are a few people with the opinion that they don't give money to any charities because they can't give to ALL of them. Which, I think you'll agree, is basically a fucking joke. I accept that you can't give to all the charities you deem worthy. That would be ridiculous. But why must all suffer because of that close minded attitude? It's not really a reason not to give, it's just a reason to justify to yourself why you don't. Which, I suppose in a way, is fine, but don't pretend that you're attempting to be a generous person.

One of my friends is also insisting that people in highly paid professions give up a percentage of their wages to give to various charities as well. Which is again an amazing concept that would benefit so many people that it is unreal. But I have to ask, is my friend willing to give up a percentage of HIS wage to these charities? Because if everybody did this, then it would benefit even more people. But, of course, he's not. He also gets angry when I label him a hypocrite because of this. You simply cannot expect people to do something that you would not willingly do yourself. I know that the difference in wages that he and these high earners receive is great, but there's just no justification in what he's saying. Or there might be. Like I said, Devil's Advocate.

Needless to say, his opinion has not changed and he probably thinks less of me simply because I happened to question what he thinks. But that's the problem with things these days, everyone is far too willing to accept. Even amongst the more politically minded people, most are set in their ways and will not attempt to look at things from a slightly different angle. But then, I suppose this is what makes all these greatly passionate people as fantastic as they all are.

I'll just leave that with you to think about.