Did you know...

That if you don't like Lady Gaga, you're 95% more likely to punch a baby in the face?

This is due to the fact you're clearly a hateful individual who believes everyone should suffer your opinions and/or baby face punching.

Wow. I'm not even entirely sure where that opening segment came from, if I'm being perfectly honest. The sentiment still remains, even if being slightly exaggerated - You're actually only 92% more likely. I'm sorry for distorting the facts in that manner. Friendsies?

Excellent.

In all seriousness, I have no idea what the hell that shit I just wrote is. It made me giggle though, so I shall keep it and damn the consequences!

Really, though, you should love Lady Gaga. Even though she does that annoying thing of capitalising the second ga as if it was a separate word when it's CLEARLY not. Although that might not be her, it might just be everyone else. If that is the case, Gaga, I apologise. Everyone else, fucking stop that shit. You're impressing no one. Especially not me. You prick.

Sorry, I just went for a ska break. That's something people do, right? Just stop what they're doing and go listen to or play some ska? Just me? Oh well, fuck it.

I forgot what I was talking about, so I'm just going to call you a baby puncher and move on.

Also, in further news, next friday I get paid and I will be spending far too much money on going to see Lady Gaga. Yes, Yes I am.

In further further news, you should go listen to Eminem & Rihanna. I always want to spell her name Rhianna. It just makes more sense to the pronunciation. It DOES! Stop fucking judging me! Bastards.

Right, I've grown tired of typing, I'm going for another ska break and then to visit my grandfather who now has a leg missing!

How exciting!

By exciting I mean horrible.

You fucking bastards. Agreeing with me like that.

You know how...

You think that everything's actually going to be OK? When suddenly a whole world of shit happens and it drags you right back to that place again? When you're not quite sure that this will ever go away because there's always that constant reminder?

That's how I feel currently. It's not really fun, to be perfectly honest. Hence the lack of witicisms within this post.

I hate writing depressing shit like this but quite frankly this is my only outlet because of the way I am. So fuck it.

Dear Diary...

I might just start titling every blog I write in that manner, to be honest. I like to think of me writing this in my bed, surrounded by unicorns and such whenever I write that title. I suppose that's just me, though.

Anyway, enough of that, I want to shout at things. A lot of things. Are you listening? No, you're not. Because this is a blog. These are written words. You can't hear them. Unless you're using text to speech. In which case you're just fucking lazy. Or blind. To be honest, I imagine it's the former. I can't see (geddit?!) a blind person ever finding this blog.

I am the motherfucking master of digression.

So, facebook. What have you done to me this time?

"...Two planes landed in England today. One brought back a group of overpaid, underachieving footballers. The other brought back seven coffins, each with the Union Jack draped over them. Footballers play for our country, soldiers FIGHT for our country. Footballers give ninety minutes, soldiers give their lives. I know who I respect more. R.I.P. Our Boys. Copy & Paste this to your status, show your support..."

That has been a recent status. I know it's not really that recent, but I haven't blogged prior to this. so deal with it. It's mildly frustrating, isn't it? I mean, everybody that posted has had NOTHING but world cup fucking status updates for weeks. Ignoring the massive amounts of xenophobia that has been going on throughout anyway (which I haven't been), that statement is just fucking ludicrous. Firstly, they know what they're getting into. Fuck it, you want to go fight a war? There's a chance you might die. Suck it up and shut the fuck up. While I don't wish death upon anyone, if somebody has to die, I'd prefer it to be the people who want to kill other people.

What annoyed me more is the end. "Copy & past this..." Why can't people come up with their own damn sentiments anymore? I mean, honestly? What is the fucking point of bothering if you're just copying an identical piece of text that meant fuck all in the first place. You're diminishing the meaning of nothing. How is that even possible?

Jesus fucking christ you people annoy me. Although, this is from the same person who told me Avatar was better than The Hurt Locker just because she hadn't seen The Hurt Locker. I like Avatar, I really do. But it's just a very pretty version of Dancing With Wolves.

On to more pressing issues, I can't help but realise that Katy Perry ignored my advice and is still awaiting to release a new album. Shame on her. Just, seriously, fuck that noise.

I saw Green Day twice the other week. I'm pretty sure that makes me better than you. I then went to see Tegan & Sara. I am clearly more epic than you. There is a photo of me meeting Amanda Palmer. But I won't post that here as it'll just wind up Sof a hideous amount.

Oops... Shit.