Monday, 18 October 2010
That feeling you get when it's all torn out from underneath you?
I mean, I've always tried to be the optimistic type. I've always been the one looking on the bright side, cracking jokes and generally keeping things positive *Cue Legally Blonde remaining stuck in my head for the next 6 hours as I attempt to sleep*
But I'm struggling to do so right now.
Currently, my grandfather is lying in a bed in the ICU. Being unable to breathe for himself. Don't get me wrong, there are people in there in much worse conditions. But there's one thing that's more important about my grandad. He's fucking MY grandad.
More than that, he is pretty much the entire reason I am the way that I am. He's always encouraged me to do what I want, be who I want and everything like that. Whenever I'd get shit at school for being an odd little fucker, which I very much was, he'd always be there to tell me to ignore all that. No matter what happened, he loved me and the way I was and there wasn't anything that was going to change that. I know everyone must get that from their parents and grandparents, but I don't care about those. I care about my grandad.
It's very rare you'll ever see me write like this. Obviously, this isn't a common occurence - not yet, at least - so it's not often I'll ever be in this mindstate. But right now, everything seems futile. Not since Lauragate has everything ever felt so pointless.
Again, I sit there and joke around and have a laugh and that's all well and good. But that doesn't solve the fact that my guiding inspiration in my life is lying two feet away completely unconscious. I talk to him, but the words just get choked out behind the tears. It sounds pathetic really. He'll be fine. He's part of my family, it takes a lot to kill us. Nonetheless, I can't help but feel like we're playing the waiting game right now. Just sitting there, counting down the minutes until they announce the inevitable.
I honestly don't think he's ever going to come out of that ICU. Not alive.
I hate myself for thinking it. But I can't help it. He's been through so much shit, in and out of hospitals for so many years now that I can't believe he's still fighting. But he always has. He always laughs, always a smile on his face. Which is why I'm finding it so hard to do that right now. He's the one who taught me that life isn't so bad and that there's always a silver lining.
What's the silver lining to this, grandad? Because I just don't see one. Beyond you not being in any pain any more, which is obviously something I wish for more than anything, but not like this.
I love you grandad. With all my heart and everything that I am. Please pull out of this.
I'll be lost without you.
I'm not even spellchecking or proofreading this. Fuck it. What's the point anymore?
Wednesday, 21 July 2010
This is due to the fact you're clearly a hateful individual who believes everyone should suffer your opinions and/or baby face punching.
Wow. I'm not even entirely sure where that opening segment came from, if I'm being perfectly honest. The sentiment still remains, even if being slightly exaggerated - You're actually only 92% more likely. I'm sorry for distorting the facts in that manner. Friendsies?
In all seriousness, I have no idea what the hell that shit I just wrote is. It made me giggle though, so I shall keep it and damn the consequences!
Really, though, you should love Lady Gaga. Even though she does that annoying thing of capitalising the second ga as if it was a separate word when it's CLEARLY not. Although that might not be her, it might just be everyone else. If that is the case, Gaga, I apologise. Everyone else, fucking stop that shit. You're impressing no one. Especially not me. You prick.
Sorry, I just went for a ska break. That's something people do, right? Just stop what they're doing and go listen to or play some ska? Just me? Oh well, fuck it.
I forgot what I was talking about, so I'm just going to call you a baby puncher and move on.
Also, in further news, next friday I get paid and I will be spending far too much money on going to see Lady Gaga. Yes, Yes I am.
In further further news, you should go listen to Eminem & Rihanna. I always want to spell her name Rhianna. It just makes more sense to the pronunciation. It DOES! Stop fucking judging me! Bastards.
Right, I've grown tired of typing, I'm going for another ska break and then to visit my grandfather who now has a leg missing!
By exciting I mean horrible.
You fucking bastards. Agreeing with me like that.
Saturday, 10 July 2010
That's how I feel currently. It's not really fun, to be perfectly honest. Hence the lack of witicisms within this post.
I hate writing depressing shit like this but quite frankly this is my only outlet because of the way I am. So fuck it.
Tuesday, 6 July 2010
Anyway, enough of that, I want to shout at things. A lot of things. Are you listening? No, you're not. Because this is a blog. These are written words. You can't hear them. Unless you're using text to speech. In which case you're just fucking lazy. Or blind. To be honest, I imagine it's the former. I can't see (geddit?!) a blind person ever finding this blog.
I am the motherfucking master of digression.
So, facebook. What have you done to me this time?
"...Two planes landed in England today. One brought back a group of overpaid, underachieving footballers. The other brought back seven coffins, each with the Union Jack draped over them. Footballers play for our country, soldiers FIGHT for our country. Footballers give ninety minutes, soldiers give their lives. I know who I respect more. R.I.P. Our Boys. Copy & Paste this to your status, show your support..."
I saw Green Day twice the other week. I'm pretty sure that makes me better than you. I then went to see Tegan & Sara. I am clearly more epic than you. There is a photo of me meeting Amanda Palmer. But I won't post that here as it'll just wind up Sof a hideous amount.
Wednesday, 16 June 2010
Monday, 24 May 2010
Regardless, this is not the point.
I now have short hair. I am notorious for not giving a shit about the way I look. Alas, since I have this short hair, I've gained that "bed head" look that seems oh-so-popular amongst the people that do care - I'm not suggesting that caring about your appearance is wrong. I'm telling you. Grow up, you superficial fucks.
The dilemma I'm now faced with is that I now look like one of these people. The people who make an effort to make it look like they've made no effort.
So do I go one step further? Do I make an effort to make it look like I haven't made an effort to look like I haven't made an effort? Does that sentence even make any sense?
On that note, I'm going for a skate. Don't expect to see me back here alive.
Tuesday, 11 May 2010
So, I was out in Camden on saturday. That's not the whole story, of course, but it's a damn good start and it certainly wouldn't aid my mood.
I went to Proud. It was my friends birthday. I felt obliged, as she is a legend who I absolutely fucking adore. Considering there are less people that I can say that about than I have fingers, sans thumbs, that certainly counts for something.
It's a standard pretentious fuckwits haven. It's a gallery by day and a money swallowing vacuum by night. Sorry, club. That's not even what pissed me off. The fact it was so hideously expensive to drink kept me more sober and a little more level headed.
I went outside for a cigarette with a friend who shall hereby be known as Col. As that was his name. Stood by the door was one of the wonderful ladies who had been emptying my wallet so thoroughly all night. Being behind a bar , I had not had the opportunity to observe quite what she was wearing.
Of course, when she was out from behind the bar, I still struggled to see what she was wearing. Because it was practically non-existent. To call it underwear would be doing a dishonour to the amount of dignity that underwear can afford.
So, curious, we felt the need to ask if she had to wear that.
What the fuck, people? I mean, don't get me wrong, I appreciate the female form. Quite a great deal, in fact. I can't deny that for a moment and I'm fairly certain that a fairly significant proportion of people would be lying if they said that they didn't. However, I don't really feel that being forced to wear something that would make a pole dancer embarassed is going to help anyone. If people WANT to wear such things, fine. Have at it, I'm not going to stop you, it's your body, do what the fuck you like quite frankly. I may think you're an idiot for feeling the need to do such things, but that's purely my opinion so whatever, right?
Do they honestly think this is a wise idea? Ignore the fact it's fucking freezing outside, which they clearly fucking can't, as they're wearing fuck all. Can you possibly think of any situation where putting a nigh-on naked girl surrounded by drunken fucking idiots is ever going to be an intelligent idea? A lot of people don't need any more help to objectify women as it is, before they're intoxicated and being served by an individual who is essentially being treated as a piece of meat.
Oh, also, you'll be shocked to learn, I didn't manage to observe anyone of a slightly larger size wearing such outfits. I fucking wonder why.
Seriously, people make me fucking sick. I'm never going fucking back there again. Fuck the lot of you, with your overpriced entry, drinks and cost to human fucking dignity.
Please, someone help restore my faith in fucking humanity, before I feel the fucking need to leave this place.
Which I will have to fucking do anyway if the damn Lib Dem-Tory coalition happens. Fuck that.
Monday, 10 May 2010
No, probably not. I'm that little voice that keeps nagging at you, telling you to stop doing what it is that you're doing. No, not your conscience. That's given up quite some time ago, I'm sure. I'm that dissenter who keeps pointing out just how abhorrent a person you are.
Sorry, I didn't mean to confuse you with so many big words. I can wait here while you look them up, if you'd like? I'm not telling you, as that would just defeat the object - You'll never advance as an individual if people continue to hand you the answers to everything.
I couldn't help but notice that, despite my constant complaints, you've continued existing. That saddens me. What depresses me more, though, is that you've gone and released another album.
Did I not make it clear enough last time? Despite how hideous I found everything that you released into the charts, I still had to listen to the album before I gave a real judgement.
I regretted that decision instantly. It upset me. There are so many wasted opportunities for many great pop songs on that album - believe me, it pains me to admit that anything to do with you could be good - but they were ruined by your presence. Your hideous voice, your painful intonation and your atrocities of the english language that you call lyrics.
So, imagine my surprise when I found myself enjoying your new single.
No, I'm joking. I'm happy to say that you're even worse than you were before, somehow. You've taken all the positives from your previous album and just stricken them from the record. You're an idiot. You've actually ruined my day. I didn't think it was possible for you to do that. Along you trot, though, with a mention on the radio and the autotuned, pseudo-dance song that you call a single and I call a crime against music.
Please, I'm begging you. Reconsider the release of your album. I'm certain that it's probably banned under the Geneva Convention as a cruel and unusual punishment anyway. At least save some face and make sure that it doesn't see the light of day. It's for the best. For you and for music.
P.S. - I'm not sure if I made this clear enough, but fuck you.
Sunday, 9 May 2010
He tried to tell me Warning was the worst Green Day album. Needless to say, I tried to tell him that being on fire is not going to be beneficial to his health. He didn't listen to me.
At least he kept me warn for the evening whilst smoking.
Sof keeps complaining my blogs are too short. So I'm ending it here to spite her, despite having a great deal more to say.
Friday, 7 May 2010
Saturday, 1 May 2010
Wednesday, 28 April 2010
Her very next post, of course, is from Xbox regarding her gamerscore.
If you can afford to play on your 360, you can fuck off complaining, you prick.
People can barely afford to live at all, let alone in a fucking house and you complain from the comfort of your living room while playing your fucking games console? You're a twat, you are.
Stop acting like you're so much better than everyone else because your new favourite band have a fan base of exactly six people - four of whom happen to be the mothers of the members whilst the other two are you and your fuckwit friend who doesn't actually have a taste in music, but listens to anything you say because it'll make him popular.
Yes, it's true that my favourite band aren't exactly huge and do remain quite underground to this day. It's also true that my second favourite artist happens to be one of the biggest sellers of all time, so your arguement can fuck right off, can't it?
The people who are huge fans until an artist actually starts being successful can fuck right off as well. Here's the logic - Bands are good. Bands get record deals because they are good, bands become more famous and bands can continue writing music.
Now here's the scenefuck logic - Band is good. Bands gets record deal. Band has sold out. Band are now dead to them.
Being a musician is still a job, ultimately. I know everyone has varying opinions on these things, but at the end of the day, people still need to make money. Making a CD isn't a cheap process and the artists have to pay for it, so yes, they will need to make money, at the very least to fund the next album. Would you prefer it if they never released a new album, because they didn't get signed and decided to call it a day?
Well, yes, of course you would, but that's because you're a fucking dick who just wants to be cool by listing off bands noone actually gives a shit about.
Don't tell me the reason I haven't heard of a band is because they're not big yet. If they were any good, you would have told me sooner, wouldn't you? Fucking prick.
My mates definition of what makes "real" music is if the artist struggled or not. Which is the most bullshit thing ever. You think Mozart really struggled? Or any of the greatest composers of all time? I mean, it's all relative but they had it easy. Does that mean The Planets Suite isn't "real" music?
Of course it doesn't. It means you're a cunt.
I've been working overnights. I'm tired and angry. I'm going to fucking bed.
Wednesday, 14 April 2010
Monday, 12 April 2010
You should probably all go and read THIS before I continue, or else this probably won't make too much sense. Although you'll probably grasp the gist of it. Make a mockery of my choice of colour should you desire, but it shows up on this background much better. Also, it's a fucking badass colour.
Anyway, I'm digressing.
This website, in case you couldn't tell because you can't read - in which case, you can get fucked but you don't know I said that, gutted - shows how each party voted in response to various issues in the LGBT community.
I love that acronym. It sounds like the best sandwich ever.
My first question, of course, is this: Why the fuck are they not all at 100%? If they are not gay, then why does it matter to them what gay people do? If they are gay, whether openly out or not (which is another issue entirely which can fuck off), why wouldn't they want to have equal rights?
I really have no idea why anyone would possibly vote against any of them, except for sheer fucking ignorance and bigotry.
Out of curiosity, how do you think they'd vote for black people having a different age of consent? Or adoption policies? I imagine they'd vote quite positively towards equality there. So what's the fucking difference? Yes, there's the issue of the years of black oppression and suchlike, but at the end of the day this all boils down to people being fucking pricks about issues that don't really concern them.
It's the conservatives I'm most concerned about, though. I mean, just look at that. Fucking hell. I know it's in your name, that you're conservative, but for fuck sake, just get off your high fucking horse and let people choose as they damn well please. The only place they even get a majority is on the civil partnership issue. Let's face it, even then it's a shockingly small amount, when you think about it. The rest of it just flat out offends me. So, yes, I'm not gay, we've covered this before, but I am quite involved with the LGBT community, simply because I've stumbled across these people in my life and they happen to be fucking legendary. The fact they chose an alternative sexuality is neither here nor there as far as I'm concerned. It doesn't even enter into the equation.
Until times like these, of course, at which point I feel the need to shout at people and tell them that they (alliteration is fucking badass) really should just let people get on with what they do.
It upsets me, damnit, that I can't legally have sex with a 16 year old boy should I desire. It upsets me dearly.
That's not even a sick joke. If I wanted to sleep with a 16 year old girl, that'd be fine, if not considered slightly pervy and/or legendary, depending on the group of people. But to sleep with a 16 year old boy is a fucking CRIME. Where is the justice in that, may I ask?
Don't bother answering. There fucking is none. It's all bullshit. Vote positively towards gay rights, people. Vote for the people that will let it happen, even if they won't actively MAKE it happen. That's a fight we still need to win ourselves, unfortunately.
Sunday, 11 April 2010
Friday, 9 April 2010
That, ladies and gentlemen, was essentially the best thing I've ever heard.
The Little Dog Laughed. There are no words to describe that play. It was simply stunning. I mean, it also frustrated me a great deal, but that's a point I'll get to in my own fucking time.
So, essentially. Man is gay. Man is also famous. Famous gay people are clearly frowned upon. But famous gay man wants to play a gay man in a film about, oddly enough, gay men. This sentence is an excuse to type the word gay excessively.
He falls in love with a man. Who is not gay but is gay, if you see where I'm coming from. Cue twists and turns and a bittersweet ending that is tragically realistic and quite saddening, really. It even left me with the feeling that what we saw was the very story that they were trying to create, which was a great bit of satirical genius.
I shan't bore you with the details. I'd suggest you go see it but as it's closing tomorrow, I find it hard to believe that you will. Your loss, quite frankly.
Gemma was amazing. Such a great performance and looked simply stunning. But I leave such details to Sof, as she is the resident obsessive around here. Rupert Friend was fantastic as well, I was thoroughly convinced. So much so that I may have my doubts... Not that it's really my place to question, really. But this is me, so I'm going to do so anyway.
Harry Lloyd was great. Apart from anytime there needed to be a dramatic pause. Because they were far too dragged out. Just wait until he goes to take his coat. And wait. And wait. And WaOH FOR FUCK SAKE JUST GET ON WITH IT DAMNIT!
Tamsin Greig is pretty much my new favourite person. She was just genius. So well cast, she had the role down perfectly. She also has some of the greatest comedic timing I've ever seen and managed to even chuck in a little crowd interaction whilst remaining perfectly in character. Simply stunning.
So, the angry bit.
Why the fuck is it not OK to be gay? I mean, we apparently live in quite the tolerant society, so I've been told. The second someone is gay, however and the knives come out. Fuck that. As a straight man (I'd use inverted commas but that's clearly too subtle for some of you) I really don't understand the problem. I mean, I've never had to deal with the persecutive side of things but it's just stupid. Some people are gay. Deal with it. Some guys like other guys. There is no need to be afraid of it. It is not contagious, it is not a bad thing and most importantly, get fucked, you intolerant little shitbags.
Yes, women come out and are met by huge amounts of praise from the misogynistic masses because they think it's OK for girls to be gay, as long as they get to watch. Which, again, can go fuck itself with a rusty bargepole. Do they even make bargepoles out of metal? Does it matter? No.
I just get really annoyed by all this. I hear homophobic comments all the time. I get a fair few myself. I'm wearing pink shoes today. This leads to no end of entertainment from the guys in the office with all of seven brain cells between them. Apparently, pink is an exclusively female colour and if you wear it, you've either got tits or you like penises. I must have missed a meeting, it seems.
Fuck it. I'm going back to work to eat lunch and pontificate on such matters. And I will probably end up shouting at someone.
Oh well. Never mind. It's no longer my problem to care.
Thursday, 8 April 2010
Which is accurate, as if you drink it, you look like a cunt.
That's all the witty banter for this evening, I'm afraid. Tomorrow there will be discussions about plays and Tamsin and other such matters of great importance.
Monday, 5 April 2010
So, upon reading Facebook and noting a friends status, I get incredibly irked over nothing. Which, in all fairness, is my go-to mind state as far as the internet is concerned.
A friend of a friend commented on a status, with something along the lines of "The thing I love about listening to metal, is it makes me appreciate other genres like blues and stuff" - I can't remember it verbatim, as this was a while ago and it has just resurfaced, but you get the general idea.
This set me off into an annoyance like no other... Well, no other that day, at least.
It's so stupidly arrogant, isn't it? It's not just me that thinks that, surely? I mean, for a start, I happen to know that I started off my musical loving life as a huge fan of hip hop. I now currently have one of the most diverse tastes in music going. Sof is the same, except she got her grounding in classical music and show tunes, as far as I recall - We discuss these things after several beverages so sometimes the minor details get left out, but that's basically it.
The reason you like other types of music is because you're a fan of music. That's all it is. Being into metal doesn't make you suddenly understand the intricacies of everything else, it's the fact you ALREADY like the fucking stuff, you just hadn't heard it.
Fuck sake, metal is just the blues for whiny shitty middle class white people who have no idea what the fuck struggle actually is. "Boohoo, my life is so hard!" is a main feature of half the stuff out there and it's quite simply bullshit.
You feel like an outcast because you dress different? Hey, try being black, female or, god forbid, a black female in the previous fucking century. That's struggle. That is real problems there. That's why blues is so much better. Because they were fucking miserable because they had no fucking choice. You choose to outcast yourself. You can listen to the music you want, but you're so obsessed with sticking to this godamn dress code and image that nobody has forced upon you that you will complain that you're being discriminated against, because you look like a twat.
Persecution? Tell that to the millions of Jewish people who were killed. Discrimination? You try telling that to the families of slaves. Or the women who suffered for the rights to be treated as a fucking equal, nothing more. Don't you fucking dare tell me you have it hard. You have first world problems and you should consider yourself very fucking lucky.
Which brings me to my next point, in a roundabout fashion.
There were some twats in the queue for some club night. Basically a group of pricks, defined by the scene I previously described. My friend was there in a batman hoodie - You know, the badass one, where the hood is the cowl and it has a cape that you can clip on because you're fucking awesome.
So they proceeded to spend the next half hour talking about it. About how he should've worn a metal hoodie, as this was a metal night. Get fucked, you little shit. You're not so different anyway. Wearing a Famous tshirt? That's still a label. You're not cool. You're not individual. You're far from fucking unique. You're a jumped up little shit who needs to grow the fuck up.
If this carries on and I make it past 30 without having a fucking nervous breakdown, I'll consider that an achievement
Sunday, 4 April 2010
"Doctor, I think I have AIDS."
"Twat. Should've bagged it up then."
Repeat for the entirety of my career as a practitioner before my early dismissal over some sort of dispute about just WHAT I was trying to do to that child. Clearly I was trying to help. I'm just that kind of guy.
No, I do not imagine that being a doctor plays out almost exactly as an episode of Scrubs does, I just generally don't care about what I'm doing or people in general. There are specific cases, but on the whole people can go fuck themselves with tridents. Not the chewing gum. Although that would lead to some highly interesting A&E appointments. I suppose, though, so would being penetrated by an actual trident.
...How would someone even DO that?
I love the fact the question is "How" and not "Why". I think it's details like that that set me apart from the average individual.
In more pressing subjects, Sof is back in town. When myself and Sof get together, things tend to get quite judgemental very quickly. This occasion was no different. Fuck those guys. It annoys me that anywhere I go is so full of people that are too scene for their own good. I don't even mean scene in the emo fashion. I mean scene for each individual style of music and/or person. Although anyone who identifies themselves purely by what music they listen to is a twat who should have been drowned at birth. To be on the safe side, I hereby declare that all babies be drowned at birth.
I'm like King Herod in the bible, I am. Apart from the fact I'm actually real. Suck it, Christians. Both the religious followers and anyone called Christian. Because you have a cunt of a name.
Also, London prices can get fucked.
Sonic Boom Six and No Doubt being played towards the end of the night is always good though. As is sitting around chatting shit all night. Myself and Sofia get VERY political when we drink. And then we listen to Legally Blonde and Hair and so many other things because we are so much better than you.
Now, in other news:
How fucking adorable is THAT? I know it's a break in character, but fuck it, I just discovered these the other day and they are fucking epic.
Monday, 29 March 2010
Speaking of which, take that fucking hat off. Did you miss the memo that only cunts can wear straw hats now? You're not a cunt, are yo... You know what? Carry on.
Sunday, 28 March 2010
Expect vast amounts of judgement about your pretentious ways, consumption of stupid amounts of rum and spontaneous outburts of Beyonce and Gaga. It will happen, it's down to you to deal with it
Bring it the fuck on.
See, there's a perfectly sensible linguistic explanation behind my choice of insults here.
Saturday, 27 March 2010
Friday, 26 March 2010
Pictured: Stereotypical Punk Image. Not pictured: Jazz hands!
I'll be perfectly honest, this blog post was entirely for that caption, because it had me in fucking stitches. In case you couldn't tell, I'm back, motherfuckers.
Monday, 22 March 2010
Music is bland right now. Nothing piques my interest and what I do listen to is generally on to fill the void of silence and that quiet, nagging voice in the back of my mind. Writing music is even worse. Picking up that guitar and simply nothing at all coming to me, beyond the few standard chord progressions, was one of the most disheartening experience of my life.
Games have just lost appeal to me as well. I can't focus on any video games I'm playing, I just go through the motions that my thumbs have become attuned to over the years, nothing really coming of it.
I have no appetite. Food doesn't appeal to me, even when I'm starving I simply do not want to eat.
My comedy has just gone. Nothing seems funny to me anymore. Sure, I'm still there with a witty remark or a snappy comeback and still play the odd childish prank, but the actual writing and desire to make people laugh has vanished from within me.
I can't even be bothered to blog. She was my muse. It sounds pathetic, I know. I never really thought of such things. I even told her I didn't think she was my muse, that I write and sing and play about what is all around me. But the only times I've written recently have been after talking to her. She got into uni, I was so happy for her, the words just came forth out of nowhere. Now they're gone and I'm just not sure when they'll be back.
I'm not even angry at things anymore. I can't get angry. I can't feel anything. I just throw myself into work and hope to forget, grinding myself down until I'm too exhausted to even care anymore.
My lust for life is gone. I'm not longer inquisitive or excited by anything. This is the saddest part of it all. I wish I could change all of this. Never before have I ever felt so pathetic. Never again will I feel this way, should I ever recover.
So, here I am. Broken and beaten. Moping pathetically. I'm fully aware of it. But what can I do? I can't seem to pull myself out of this rut. No matter how hard I try. Every time I speak to her I feel physically sick. Everything she says makes me weak. I'm throwing myself upon her mercy without her even knowing.
I can't even say anything to her. I'm too much of a coward.
This is goodbye, for now. Maybe I'll find the words that I want to write again in the future. But for now, the inspiration, desire and passion for writing has all but gone.
Sof, you're probably the only person who reads this so I hate to disappoint. Thanks for everything.
Who knows when I'll be back again? I don't.
Wednesday, 17 March 2010
Honestly, this job gets none of the appreciation and all of the scorn. We bust our asses with out of date code, working 24/7 to ensure coverage for developers who are there for half that time.
I'm not calling development easy. Not even close. I can look at a page of code and have a vague idea as to what's going on, but I could never write the stuff.
But give us a little respect. We work hard and we put in the hours to ensure you have a good, solid product in a game.
I forever hear people, complaining about bugs in games. They always attack the QA first. Straight off the bat it's our fault. Even I used to do it, when I was young and naive.
Consider this. Every bug in a project cannot be found. There's no way. Every bug can cause knock on effects which will lead to other bugs. So, a product will never be bug free. It's just a fact.
We find a lot of bugs. We churn out a lot of them, hundreds a day can come out of teams.
Do all these get fixed? No. Of course they don't. I've worked on projects that have just had over a thousand issues written off and the game stuck in a box. They were issues we had found.
First thing I hear from people? "Are you sure you tested this?"
Yes. We did. We word hard. Where is the praise when a game has minimal bugs? Heaped on the developers. Which is fine, they make they game. But they don't play it. They won't see what we do, as testers and gamers. They see a wall of text.
I personally worked on a project for 7 weeks. In those 7 weeks, I racked up over 600 hours of game play. On one game. We found a lot of bugs. Not all of them got fixed.
Just give us the credit we're due every now and then, you fucks.
Tuesday, 16 March 2010
Monday, 15 March 2010
Sunday, 14 March 2010
Saturday, 13 March 2010
I've been out all day, so currently I haven't really become too angry. Apart from that Match.com advert. If someone starting singing along with me while I was playing, I'd be both concerned and angry. Just, talk to people. Go on, try it. I bet it works. Similar interests breed contempt and boredom. Differing views give you something to talk about.
But you know what else? Figure these fucking things out for yourself, not because they answered a few questions and wrote a few lists. It hardly has the same impact. I bet you'd pass over half the people you'd get on with because of those lists. GO OUTSIDE PEOPLE.
In other news, there has been very important developments in cloning.
Not really, I just thought this would be a nice opening to a go fuck yourself line.
The train is dark. People are complaining as some of the carriage lights are broken. Might I suggest that they fucking go sit somewhere else? Just a thought. It's a big train. I'm sure you find a seat. Or two if you can't stand human contact like myself.
People frustrate me. This is why I frustrate people. It's a fair trade. The human race betters itself and I shut up. Job done.
Just also like to give my thanks to Sof, Sarah and Wedge for yesterday. I was a fucking joke.
Those are the last kind words you'll hear from me.
Now get the fuck off my page.
Sent using BlackBerry® from Orange
Friday, 12 March 2010
Yes, that may be harsh but I really don't care at all right now.
There I was thinking I didn't actually have the ability to care, too.
After today, no more mentions. Back to your regularly scheduled programme of shouting at things.
Note the lack of swearing. Clearly I'm affected.
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Seriously, I'm not heartbroken or anything right now. Why would I be? It's not like anything bad just fucking happened, is it?
Why would it? It's not like I left myself wide open to be fucked over by anybody once more. And it definitely wasn't the person I least expected to do it.
Fucking bitch. Fuck her. I'd say I'm better than that. But I'm not. She's basically perfection. I'm lucky to have even had the very brief chance.
Fuck. Actual fuck.
These days, should anyone hug and sniff a child, I can't help but feel they'd be lynched. Then shot. Then lynched again. Then set on fire. Before finally being lynched again. Because that is the sort of society we live in. Ignore the fact that I imagine most people that aren't paedophiles aren't actually paedophiles or going to harm your kids in any way, shape or form.
But fuck it, right? Your kids are safe. Michael Jackson died.
Notice how more willing we are to forgive people the more famous and talented they turn out. So, Mr. Glitter, may I suggest you write some better fucking songs with all the free time you now have? You might just get away with it this time.
Oh, and another thought. If you MUST touch kids. Which you musn't, you fucking prick. But if you must, might I suggest you don't go to one of the few fucking countries that has the fucking DEATH PENALTY.
Or, alternatively, stop fucking touching kids! I really can't stress that point enough.
Thursday, 11 March 2010
"Can anyone tell me what a standing order is?"
"Is it money that comes into your account?"
"You're nearly right."
No. Fuck you. You're the exact fucking opposite of right, in fact.
And if you, you pigged faced dozy fucking mare, don't know the difference, you need to get the fuck out of banking.
Firstly. Showing it on Living? Is that not just beautifully fucking ironic?
Secondly, fuck you Living. Stop with the exploitative bullshit because these people don't know how to say know when you offer them a large sack of money. You know what you're doing. So fucking stop it.
Because she was bald.
Because of the cancer.
Wednesday, 10 March 2010
Just kidding. Fuck you.
Calling someone a Sexy Bitch is probably the most disrespectful thing I can imagine. So fuck off and think about what you're going to say. I'd say come back after you've thought about it, but if you could just stay wherever it is you're fucking off to and make sure you don't taint the airwaves with that drivel again, I'd be much obliged.
And I am a cunt.
Why must I get frustrated by the littlest of things? There's world hunger, war, discrimination and everything going on right now and I'm fucking complaining about fucking adverts. And saying fucking a fucking lot.
Tuesday, 9 March 2010
Monday, 8 March 2010
Sunday, 7 March 2010
Saturday, 6 March 2010
Friday, 5 March 2010
Thursday, 4 March 2010
I have no problem with religion, in general. Whatever you want, or need, to make it through your life is fine by me. What I have a problem with is hatred and intolerance. That might seem like a strange thing to hear from me, as I'm one of the most hate filled individuals I can think of. But not towards groups of faiths or beliefs or race or sexuality or gender. I hate each and every one of you on an individual basis.
No, you do fucking not. I don't care what you fucking believe in, if there is a God he will fucking make you pay for such a fucking disrespectful showing.
Just, fuck you, OK? I can't even get a coherent point across because of how fucking angry I am at these fucking people. You make me sick.
Wednesday, 3 March 2010
Tuesday, 2 March 2010
Monday, 1 March 2010
Like the random encounter system in the Final Fantasy series, while I remind myself. I'll be honest with you Square. Last time I checked, I was able to ascertain that there was a 50ft giant sandworm or two heading in my general direction for quite some distance before it actually arrived. I was able to do this for as long as I can remember. So why, pray tell, do the characters in your games seem to have the perception of a newborn kitten? Honestly. Why the fuck do they act all surprised when something shows up? More importantly, how the fuck can the aforementioned sandworm sneak up behind you for a surprise attack? They are not subtle. They are the exact opposite of subtle, some might say. They are extremely un-fucking-subtle, would be the main point of this conversation. If I play FFXIIIVIIMCVLIIX (That's the number we're up to now, right?) and find there are random encounters, I swear, I'm only buying the next three or four FF games. It's not like you don't know how. Chrono Trigger is basically what I'd call perfection. Because there's no fucking random encounters.
See what I mean? Completely pointless. There is no point.
I could get angry about important issues - like the distinct lack of equality and the extreme amounts of discrimination between races and genders - but that solves nothing. If people don't act upon these things, words are for nothing. This is the problem. Everyone is far too happy to complain about what is happening out there but nobody wants to take any fucking action. I can write all the words I like but resolutions are not forthcoming. So I'll just go and do things while shouting about minor annoyances here. If you don't like it, well, I don't see anyone forcing you to read this shit, so fuck you. I'm not here to pander to anyone.
You know what I love, though? Eclectic people. They are awesome. They don't care about very much and that's great.
Of course, some of you fuckers have to go and ruin even that for me, don't you? Bastards.
I was at an art market yesterday. Because what I get up to at the weekend is my own fucking business so fuck off. There were quite the few "eclectic" people there. Except none of them were. They were all doing so in a bid to look like cunts. I can safely say mission fucking accomplished. I do hate to use such foul language - no, really - but these people are exactly what is wrong with everything. One girl had a wonderful quirky look. She was wearing a fucking tiara, for fucks sake. But she ruined it by sitting in front of a fucking mirror for half a fucking hour just adjusting it for maximum quirk. Fuck that shit. Seriously. Just get your head out of your fucking arse and stop acting like a dick. If you're doing it to be odd, just fuck you.
It's not just quirky people though. Everyone is obsessed with image. No matter what people need to be the most attractive. It makes me fucking sick. All I see everywhere is fad diets, size 0 models being considered attractive, beauty treatments, fake tans. It's all so ludicrous that it makes me want to stab people in the face just for fucking existing. It's a point I keep making, but no one listens so I'm going to keep going on about it. It's OK for you to look how you do. It's fine, honestly.
You bastards in the alternative scene are the ones that really get me. You're the worst of the fucking lot. How you can even pretend that you're not doing exactly the same fucking thing with an inverted colour scheme is beyond me. You wear branded clothes but it's OK, because they're not "mainstream" brands. You wear a fuckton of makeup, but it's OK because it's dark makeup. You go and fuck yourselves because you're all dic... No, wait. That's just wishful thinking on my behalf. But you would, if you could, wouldn't you? Because you've got such a fucking hard on for how amazingly different you are that you can't see the wood for the fucking trees. You're all fucking the same. And certainly none of you are anything even approaching what you call "punk rock" with your identifit fucking image.
Fuck this, I'm off for work before I break something. I just need to go spend a week doing my hair and makeup before I go tear out a bathroom because everyone's going to be fucking looking at me all the fucking time, right?
Sunday, 28 February 2010
I really don't have anything much to say. This is more myself testing I am able to blog on the go. Which it seems I am. As you can probably tell. From the fact I'm fucking blogging on the go.
Expect full on angry rants soon. People have once more pissed me off. The porn I am writing will be delayed briefly. Yes, that is something I do now.
Until then, go do something productive and get off the fucking computer for five fucking minutes.