Foxtrot Oscar

Once more, we have seen the most elaborate, pointless, self-congratulating ceremony in the history of existence - the Oscars. As a great fan of cinema but someone who loathes the cult of celebrity, I'm always quite torn by the Oscars, so my general opinion is formed on the basis of how approving I am of the winners. If they're good, I'm satisfied and they can continue with my approval and if they're not, well, I begin reigning hellfire down upon them. In my mind, of course. I don't actually possess such powers. Not yet, at least...

Can I just say something here? HAHAHAHA! Suck it, Avatar!

Excuse me. That was uncalled for.

Having seen Avatar, I was simply blown away by it. It is an absolutely spellbinding piece of cinema. However, looking back on it, beyond the special effects, it's not all that amazing. The story is, while not bad, not that amazing. The acting is actually surprisingly good, I was quite shocked that it got no nominations at all, especially considering the performances of both lead and supporting actresses were fantastic. The lead and supporting actors were good but nothing outstanding to be honest, so I'm not that surprised in the absence of nominations for that. It won the Oscars that nothing else actually had any right even being nominated for against it, so that was always good.

Inglourious Basterds shamefully didn't win anything beyond best supporting actor. Which, quite frankly, noone else could have taken. Watching Cristoph Waltz switching between 4 languages seamlessly throughout the film is simply superb, all of them as well performed as the previous. I'm surprised that they didn't give him the directorial oscars, what with them passing over him with Pulp Fiction all those years ago. I'm getting ahead of myself, here.

The Hurt Locker. Simply amazing movie. Everybody go and watch it. It deserves everything it won, quite frankly. I'm not going to discuss plot details or anything like that, just go and watch it and enjoy quite frankly.

Precious I've yet to see, but I've heard nothing but great things from the people who share my view on movies, but I can't really judge on its worthiness as a winner. Sandra Bullock seems a bit of an odd choice as well, but then I shan't complain as everybody takes different things from different performances.

Now, I have a friend who swears blind that Avatar is the greatest film of all time. It's probably not a coincidence that she's also from Essex, but that's neither here nor there. The problem I have is the fact she's dismissing the Hurt Locker out of hand. Probably because it's not caked in CG and actually relies on people getting involved with the characters in the film rather than being distracted by the sheer prettiness of it. Even I will admit that I was a little taken in by Avatar and it's smoke and mirror performance, because it is very pretty indeed. But to dismiss a movie just because a different movie happens to exist is a bit of a joke.

The Oscars have a habit of handing out the wrong awards too. 1994. Pulp Fiction was released. Generally regarded by most people as one of the greatest movies of all time. It has changed the way people look at cinema and is always featured in my top 3 movies. How could it possibly lose?

Well, it could also be released at the same time as The Shawshank Redemption. Again, another movie that always sits in my top 3 movies. It didn't change anything, it was nothing revolutionary but it was just so very good at the way it did things that you simply couldn't argue that it was worthy of the best movie award. It also featured Morgan Freeman performing narration, so that was always going to work in its benefit. I want that man to read me bedtime stories, his voice is that amazing.

So, which of these two amazing pieces of cinematography won the Best Picture award?

Forrest Gump. Forrest fucking Gump won it.

There is no reason it should have, really. It's a feel-good movie, sure, and it is quite an enjoyable movie experience. It is not, however, going to feature in many peoples top 3, top 5 or even top 10 movies. I certainly can't think of anyone that rates it that highly. It's a worth best picture winner in a quiet year, I suppose, but it was anything but.

That was almost as bad as the Citizen Kane of Best Picture snubs, Citizen Kane. Which also didn't win best picture. To something that nobody can even remember without looking up. I certainly can't and I refuse to even check. It had grass in the title, I think. Beyond that I have no idea.

Anyway, I've talked about movies enough now, I've got stuff to go and do.

Just one more thing - Sof, there was a reason Jennifer's Body didn't win any oscars. Because it's appalling. Stop pretending it isn't.