Right, I know I only posted yesterday, but sod it, I feel the urge to vent about the sheer stupidity that seemingly inflicts everybody in this nation of fucking retards that don't even have the mental disability to be able to excuse it.
So, I was watching Dispatches last night. Not usually my type of thing, admittedly, but there was nothing else on and I was pottering around the internet with my usual mindless intent while my girlfriend (Yes, GIRLfriend, I'm not gay. Controversial to popular opinion, I have to say that I don't tend to enjoy a rock hard phallus buried into my rectum, but thanks all the same for caring enough to fucking judge me by your dated standards. Shall I rant about the whole sexuality debate? Not right now, there are more important idiots to be berated in this instant.)
Anyway, yes, Dispatches. As I said, not my normal sort of thing, seeing as I don't tend to enjoy that type of scare-mongering bullshit that I've managed to live without quite happily for the past ALL OF MY FUCKING LIFE. You see, they just seem to lead people to believe that this perfectly happy existence (Well, I say perfectly happy, but we know it's not, but that's beside the point right now, I'll come to that another time) that we're living in is actually a DEATH TRAP OF DOOM (copyrighted to me, that name is, so fuck right off Channel 4).
Yes, indeed, we're surrounded by terrorists, murderers, rapists, paedophiles and all those stereotypical nasties that we can't seem to avoid in our everyday lives. Except that the majority of us do. Yes, it's true! We can in fact lead our lives without the general concern of the fact that we may be beaten, sexually abused and mugged all in one evening. In fact, due to this sort of thing, I actually feel quite disappointed when these things don't happen on an average night out. Which leads to me being generally disenchanted by most evenings I spend in the pub, seeing as these things are actually SURPRISINGLY FUCKING RARE. Although they don't want you to know that, because lets face it, they'd have bugger all to make TV programmes about, and you'd actually, y'know, enjoy yourself and not worry about this sort of thing.
Anyway, I've become sidetracked. This one particular episode was absolutely genius, and proved to me that natural selection is a wonderful thing and that these programmes should stop being made simply so these bloody idiots will just do away with themselves and improve the gene pool.
This one was about toys. Yes, toys. Those nasty deathtraps that have a horrible way of disguising themselves as perfectly fucking SAFE playthings. Oh, yes, you'd be surprised at how bad they are! I'm amazed any of us actually made it through our childhoods, what with the vast amount of possible fatalities that could amass from those devious devices of horrendous suffering. Then I remember that I'm not completely mentally devoid of any sort of common fucking sense and although you may be (After all, you're reading this despite the fact I've spent the entire time calling you fucktards and yet you still come back for more), you at least have the sense to not be brutalised by a fucking TOY!
I digress. This programme was ridiculous. It basically told everyone that by purchasing these evil devices of Satan, they are indeed sentencing their children to lead the rest of their clearly short lifespans in great deals of agony. Or, possibly not, if you've had the good sense to actually raise them in a manner that most would deem correct.
Magnets was the main deal with it. Magnets. Don't eat them, apparently. Now, apparently that's not as simple as it would seem, according to the legions (well, dozens at the least) of parents who had to deal with their children as they vomitted their entire internal organ structure. They eat magnets? Let them fucking die! Do us all a favour! In fact, sod it. Let them munch on magnets! Massively strong ones! Then let them loose in the cutlery warehouse. Kids with massive knives hanging from gaping wounds in their stomachs? Self inflicted! Hurray! Hilarious. Or, let them chew on electromagnets, and save yourself masses of cash on christmas lights AND the fact you'll no longer have to feed something with an IQ about three points above the average tub of butter.
If you're going to stick magnets in your mouth and then be stupid enough to swallow them, you deserve whatever consequences come your way. They're not fucking edible! Surely the fact you can't even chew them would be fairly good advice? I'm amazed these kids didn't manage to choke on the bloody things, I'll give them a hand and force feed them via the magic medium of my clenched fist.
I have nothing against kids, I love them, in fact. Not in the Michael Jackson way (And if I did, I'm fairly certain I wouldn't be willing to admit across a public fucking forum such as the internet, so you can stop reading this if you're only interested in kicking up a fuss over someone having a fucking opinion that differs from you. Overbearing mothers of the world, I'm talking to you.), but in a genuinely nice way. Hard to believe I'd say that about anything, but it's true. But if they're not being raised well enough to know about these things, then fucking let them suffer! Their parents deserve the great displeasure of watching their children be in vast amounts of pain, simply for not being clever enough to teach their kids to not put shit like that in their mouths! (Oh, and by the way, these weren't tiny kids either, there were ones well above the age to know simple stuff such as this)
After that, they started on all the "counterfeit" toys on the marketplaces and other such places. I used to fucking LOVE those things. We weren't a well off family, so I made do with these things, quite happily. I'm not dead, am I? No, because I was raised to know not to do stupid things. I'm also aware that trying to felate a gun barrel is a great way to swiftly end your life. Kurt Cobain, take note, despite being dead, you're still inflicting vast amounts of torment on the rest of us.
I can't believe the idiocy of people today. They're scared, afraid, paranoid that everything in this world is out to get them.
Here's a note - It's not. We're just being force fed these things and you're believing them. As if we don't have enough to worry about! "OH NO! DANGEROUS TOYZ?!?!" indeed. The least we need to worry about with our kids is toys that will harm them if they happen to be in the company of inbred parents who are both missing several chromosomes each. How about all these other poor countries? That don't even know if their kids will survive past christmas? Hey, at least that solves one of their problems - They won't need to worry about buying them shitty christmas gifts.
I'm sick of this shit.
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2 comments:
You write well, but it seems like you're trying too hard to create offence. If someone wants to read what you've got to say they will come to your site because you've got marginal opinions conveyed in an eloquent manner. You don't need to go into a pseudo-offended rage just to convey a passionate personality. So, first tip, don't insult your reader every single sentence. This shows a lack of judgement about what people want. The angry self righteous rant has a time and place, but like all things, over use leads to desensitisation. If you do this all the time, people will cease to be shocked. Secondly, find a graphic designer and/or a web designer and re-write your site, because your utterly crap design is doing you no favours. People don't want to read from a standard pathetic 'blogger' template. Most people will take one look at that, see an intrinsic lack of effort and log the fuck off. If you want to get more visitors, try presenting what you've got to say in a more visually friendly format. Lastly, like I said earlier that angry rant style of writing is funny in moderation but you are being untrue to yourself if you take on a false persona. Try and write what you might say in real life. Writing in a way you would never, ever talk in real life conveys a split of character and an online presence which doesn't represent the real you. This is pretty rookie. Stop trying to think people will only want to read you if you call them a useless ignorant cunt incapable of sentient though, every paragraph. You might be surprised. Oh, and think about keeping the posts shorter but updating more often.
Anyhow, keep it up newbie, I’ll keep an eye on you.
www.daviddarkly.co.uk
erm....david....jacques is actually like this in person. He is a pseudo-offending ranting person. And he insults the reader because most of the population are george bush voting idiots. So if you could your stick from you arse (ohh the decor, the decor!! fuck you) and read what he says, maybe you'll understand abit better. Mr. hoitty toitty!!
:)
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