Please, just indulge me for a second if you don't mind. If you don't wish to indulge me, well, I'm sure you must all know the fucking drill by now, so I'm not going to repeat myself.
Zooey Deschanel and Katy Perry are fucking nothing alike.
OK? Is that simple enough to explain to you? Zooey is quite frankly the epitomy of sexuality, whereas Katy Perry looks like somebody dropkicked a epileptic pig through a strobe light factory and then stuck a dress on it.
She & Him are genuinely talented musicians, whereas Katy Perry sings hideously demeaning pop songs that subtly rots away at the intellect of the latest generation of idiotic pre-teens.
I wouldn't even mind so much, were it not for the fact that you probably haven't even heard of She & Him while Katy Perry gets worldwide fame and I die a little bit inside at the realisation that I live in a world surrounded by fucking dickheads who'll buy anything that be considered edgy or controversial when in actual fact it's just fucking stupid.
So, before you comment on Zooey and her supposed likeness to Katy Perry to me, may I suggest you pause, rethink your approach and then go and stick your head into a bucket of quick drying cement. Because you're obviously fucking stupid.
Oh, by the way, Katy, if you ever read this, it's nothing personal. You're just a fucking dick, that's all.
Everybody, do yourselves a favour. Go and listen to She & Him, or go and buy the Yes Man soundtrack and listen to Munchausen By Proxy and supplement it with Vol. 1. Stop buying Katy Perry records and snuff her stupid career out of existance. Together, we can correct this.
And if you don't, well, I don't think I want to be your friend anymore.
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