Disaster Movie

Oh Jesus fucking Christ, another one.

No, I'm not talkng about the blog post (Although fuck it, you should consider yourself forewarned), but these shitty fucking "parody" movies that keep popping up (I hate using quotation marks in that manner, but I want to make sure you understand what I'm getting at. The things I do for the intelectually challenged, eh?)

How the fuck do these things keep getting made?

Alright, I already know the answer to that question. Because they make OBSCENE amounts of cash for the studios, that's why.

And how do they do this? Because you keep fucking watching them. Why the fuck would you keep doing this to yourself?!

I'll admit, I've seen Meet The Spartans. I know, I know, leave me alone, I've fucking suffered enough after that fucking movie! ("Hey! Let's parody that scene from James Bond! You know, the one with balls in it?! LAWLZ!")

My friend invited myself and my girlfriend to go see this film. I asked my girlfriend and off we went. Turns out, I didn't want to see this film and neither did she. Which is good, because it means I'm not going out with an idiot and she won't need to be dumped on a beach somewhere in portugal (Yeah, it's a Madeline reference, so what? The case is fucking closed so I can finally take her out the basement, the smell is getting a bit much. Find that offensive? Then go read something else, overly-sensitive dickweed) (Also, on that note, why the fuck did everyone care so much about Madeline? Children go missing every fucking DAY in Portugal. But noone gives a fuck until a white middle class family ki... sorry, LOSE their daughter. I smell bullshit. Just because we're an english speaking country doesn't mean we shouldn't give a fuck about everyone else in the world. Hence my viewpoint: Fuck them all, regardless of race, gender or class. Fuck you if you disagree)

Anyway, these movies make stupid amounts of cash. Here's some rough stats for you:

Meet the Spartans budget: approximately $30,000,000
Meet the Spartans worldwide gross: $84,171,878

Epic Movie budget: approximately $20,000,000
Epic Movie worldwide gross: $86,835,512

Date Movie budget: approximately $20,000,000
Date Movie worldwide gross: $78,548,426

How many people are seeing these fucking movies? Honestly. I ask myself this question over and over again and even I don't believe there's that many idiots in the world. Some people must be seeing these twice. I'm not sure how. Maybe they watched it a second time because the humour's too fucking sophisticated for their tiny minds to comprehend.

Or maybe there really IS that many fucking idiots out there. I don't know. Frankly, I'm scared for the human race if there is.

I wouldn't mind, but the thing is, this style used to be fucking AMAZING. Airplane and Naked Gun being the movies that spring to mind. GOOD parodies. One's that don't rely on fart jokes and people getting hit in the crotch. (Don't think Leslie Nielsen is without flaws though, some of the shit he churned out hurts more than a barbed wire enema)

Even Mike Myers is in on rehashing every joke in every film he makes. It's a fucking shame, the guy who wrote possibly my favourite comedy movies (Wayne's World, if you must know) just churning out the same jokes as he did in Austin fucking Powers.

Fuck it, I'm going to watch Funny Games again. I wouldn't recommend you do likewise, I'm not sure you'll be able to handle it.